i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
