For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
