my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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