MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
