I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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