Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
