we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
