tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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