Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
