chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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