jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
