I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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