I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
