He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
