How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
