My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
