how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
