i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
