Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
