Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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