eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
