I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
