connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
