Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i think my cat just said my name.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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