Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
