i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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