Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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