considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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