sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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