I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
