no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
