All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
