I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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