Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
