And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
