for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
