3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
