If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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