hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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