it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
