Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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