is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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