from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
