I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
