I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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