He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
