things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
