Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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