You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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