mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
