they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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