Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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