Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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