dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This is the high leading the old right now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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