I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
that may or may not have been my penis.
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