4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There r osticjed everywhere
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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