I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
