just tell him i said nine months
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
