how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Boobs speak an international language.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize