i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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