So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
