omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
