I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
