Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
