I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
