i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Randomize
