Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
